Thursday, September 22, 2011

"My Name is Imago Montoya..." (2nd WriteCampaign Challenge)

Rachel Harrie's Writer's Platform-Building Campaign is now onto its second challenge. This one was a doozy! In 200 words or fewer, include four -- shall we say, uncommon? -- words. Oh, and if you can throw in a reference to a mirror all the better.

If you like this, please consider going to the Linky List and voting for me. To my great delight, I am #42 in the list.

Without further ado...

"My Name is Imago Montoya"

The twins shriek through, chasing each other with plastic swords, dollhouse mirrors as shields, misquoting The Princess Bride.

No one’s killed me. I’m sitting right here, trying to write. You couldn’t tell from my progress. A miasma of doubt and frustration fills my brain.

Cindy comes in, fresh from the shower. An oversized Lacuna Coil tee hangs to her knees. Was there really a time we got to go to concerts? Her fingers flutter over my shoulders. “Getting anywhere?”

My sigh answers her. I’m getting nowhere on this sequel to my first novel, Synchronicity Blues.

“Prepare to die!” one girl shouts from another room. Cindy leaves to settle them.

I review my last few paragraphs. My heroine yawns three times in them. Thesaurus time! Gape, gawp, … oscitate? No. Maybe just better to rewrite, so I delete the troublesome text. Keep those eyes off the wordcount!

The girls dart in, Cindy following with an “I tried” shrug.

“Tell us a story, Daddy!”

I spin a tale of heroic princesses and treacherous dragons. Their rapt attention reminds me why I love storytelling.

My excitement must show. Cindy herds them off to bed. “Looks like dad’s ready to get back to work!”
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90 comments:

  1. UnknownSeptember 22, 2011 at 6:48 PM

    love the title! great capture of a moment in time with the family. And wonderful injections for those OMG words! :D

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  2. Elisa DeLanySeptember 22, 2011 at 6:48 PM

    Love your uncommon words, Michael. And for a flash fiction piece, you really wove a nice story together in 200 words. Sweet and to the point without having to tell anything.

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  3. JoelleSeptember 22, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    Nice one. Great images. Sounds like a hectic house to try and write in.

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  4. Daniel R. MarvelloSeptember 22, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    Now that was fun! The title made me laugh out loud, the Princess Bride being a prime source of quotes for me. What a great domestic scene in the life of a writer. Excellent work, Michael! I loved it.

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  5. Cheryl ReifSeptember 22, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    That sounds like the autobiography of a writer-parent: the very things that distract us from writing also inspire out writing. Love the ending!

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  6. Michael HaynesSeptember 22, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    Thanks, all, glad that you enjoyed it! This one was a REAL challenge.

    It's not exactly autobiographical (no twins among our children), but there are some moments when our house feels a good bit like this.

    Now to go try to read the other 40+ pieces already posted.

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  7. JenSeptember 22, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    I love this, Michael! Imago Montoya! Brilliant!

    Mine is number 3 on the list if you want to check it out.

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  8. K.T. HannaSeptember 22, 2011 at 7:01 PM

    This is a really great approach and excellent use of the words. It's more light hearted than most of what I've read so far. Really like this. (And I love the Princess Bride)

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  9. Alynza SmithSeptember 22, 2011 at 7:21 PM

    I love the title, very clever! Great storytelling with the usage of the words. :)

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  10. David P. KingSeptember 22, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    Michael. Can I say it? If this is anything like your household, you perfectly described mine. Everything in this story is excellent and reflects, perfectly, the family man writer.

    Great job, Michael! :)

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  11. Michael HaynesSeptember 22, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    I appreciate the further comments!

    By the way, if you tried to go vote for me and got a blank page, I apparently messed up the link the first time through. I've since corrected it.

    Or, you can just follow this link to the voting page, if you so choose. Thanks!

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  12. Jamie McHenrySeptember 22, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    Fun use of the words. A playful entry. Nice job.

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  13. AnonymousSeptember 22, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    That was a fun entry. :)

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  14. Jennifer PickrellSeptember 22, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    Love this, not only clever, but sweet and realistic!

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  15. AnonymousSeptember 22, 2011 at 8:46 PM

    Very nice! A great way to use the words quite naturally. Loved the "oscitate" part. Clever!

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  16. Sonia LalSeptember 22, 2011 at 8:47 PM

    Fantastic use of the words! I like the story, too, can relate.

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  17. CherylSeptember 22, 2011 at 8:59 PM

    Nice job Michael, the challenge words flowed very well.

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  18. Ruth Hartman BergeSeptember 22, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    The title is just awesome! The story was very easy to read and enjoyable. Love the use of the words.

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  19. Sheri L. Swift, AuthorSeptember 22, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    Very good! So true to life! My grandson and I were just playing pirates a moment ago. ; )

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  20. Jennie BennettSeptember 22, 2011 at 9:15 PM

    I LOVE the title I LOVE the story and now I'm going to go vote for you :)

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  21. Angela BrownSeptember 22, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    I have to tell you, this is extra funny for a whole other reason. I know someone with the last name of Montoya and he has twin girls!!! I was picturing the scene with him and his wife and couldn't stop feeling both tickled and exasperated during the playtime. But like a great story teller, his reason for writing struck him again and off he went with his muse as the wife went with the twins.

    Suffice it to say I enjoyed this.

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  22. Kate SwensonSeptember 22, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    Ha! Clever and enjoyable.

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  23. DebbieSeptember 22, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    When I read the word 'imago' for the challenge, I thought the same as you! ;)

    I like the clever way you put those words into the story. Well done - I enjoyed it.

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  24. Michael HaynesSeptember 22, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    Thanks, everyone! I'm glad so many people have enjoyed this one.

    @Angela, that is absolutely wild! Or, dare I say it, an example of synchronicity? :)

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  25. Michael HaynesSeptember 22, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    @Debbie, how about that! Great minds? :)

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  26. SamanthaSeptember 22, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    Oh how funny! I love The Princess Bride so much! This was really creative, I'm definitely giving you a vote :)

    Samantha
    Writing Through College

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  27. Melodie WrightSeptember 22, 2011 at 10:36 PM

    Your title caught me (you keeled my father. prepare to die.) and the story didn't disappoint.

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  28. AnonymousSeptember 22, 2011 at 11:13 PM

    Brilliant. I loved it (and liked it on the Linky List)!

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  29. AnonymousSeptember 22, 2011 at 11:52 PM

    Great job of getting those word in and making sense as you do so. Mine is #29

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  30. Michael HaynesSeptember 22, 2011 at 11:57 PM

    Thanks, Samantha, Melodie, eastbaywriter, and Bridget! (I just opened yours in another window right before seeing your comment come in, Bridget. Off to go read it now!)

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  31. Carrie ButlerSeptember 23, 2011 at 12:12 AM

    Nice work, Michael! I love it. :)

    P.S. Are you lucky enough to be within the coverage area for pre-season? My territory is blocked for the online streams, so I've had to resort to the radio!

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  32. Michael HaynesSeptember 23, 2011 at 12:14 AM

    Glad you liked it, Carrie. I was able to watch part of the Winnipeg game, but the stream for the Washington game was basically unwatchable.

    Haven't decided yet if I'm going to go the one Sunday versus Buffalo, but will definitely be at the one later next week!

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  33. JoannaSeptember 23, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    I'm off to vote. I've read around ten so far and this one sticks out as the most natural and flowing to me. loved your creative use of the words. Great piece.

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  34. julie feddersonSeptember 23, 2011 at 11:46 AM

    You got me with Princess Bride, and sold me with Lacuna Coil. Awesome.

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  35. Nadja NotarianiSeptember 23, 2011 at 1:45 PM

    No better fodder can be found save for real life...eh? Love the scene!
    Sounds a bit like my home...boys running from room to room with a giant German Shepherd galloping behind - deep, infectious belly-laughter seeping into my soul even as I demand that they take it down a notch or two....
    Good stuff, Michael! ~Nadja

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  36. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2011 at 2:06 PM

    Michael,

    You and I fell back on the same use of lacuna! ;) Great minds think alike, my friend!

    I thought this was a very heart-warming entry. You captured the excitement, frustration, love, and energy of family, the frustrations and passions of a writer, and a good deal of humor all in a tiny 200 words!

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  37. Michael HaynesSeptember 23, 2011 at 4:06 PM

    Thanks for the comments from this morning! I really appreciate all the kind words about this piece, especially since it's rather different from what I usually write (SF/Fantasy/Horror and Mystery). Nice to see it was enjoyable to read.

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  38. F.E. SewellSeptember 23, 2011 at 4:14 PM

    What a fun piece! I think we all enjoy the references to the Princess Bride. And who doesn't like a story that gives them the warm fuzzies?

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  39. Gwen GardnerSeptember 23, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    A beautiful family moment! Loved this post - great job! I'm #34:)

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  40. UnknownSeptember 23, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    Had to click on this because of the title. Wasn't disappointed.

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  41. Miranda HardySeptember 23, 2011 at 9:19 PM

    Very creative and entertaining. Love the title. Great way to weave the words in.

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  42. Mel CorbettSeptember 24, 2011 at 1:39 AM

    Love the title. Who doesn't like the princess bride? I can totally picture the daddy in this one being William Goldman (golding?) who supposedly asked his two daughters what to write about and their answers were princess and bride. that fight seems worthy of it - of course then they couldn't be quoting the movie... maybe i should go to bed now instead of rambling.

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  43. Cortney PearsonSeptember 24, 2011 at 10:35 AM

    I love this one! Especially where he whips out the thesaurus and tries to find a different word for yawn...that's like my writing life lol! This was excellent, very cute.

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  44. Tara TylerSeptember 24, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    awesome bedtime story =)
    and my thesaurus didnt even have oscitate!

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  45. Michael HaynesSeptember 24, 2011 at 11:29 AM

    Thanks everyone for the comments!

    @Mel, there's both a William Goldman who's an author (and wrote The Princess Bride) and a William Golding (who wrote Lord of the Flies). An easy pair of names to switch around!

    @Tara, heh -- call that writer's license. :)

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  46. Roland D. YeomansSeptember 24, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    Ah, what fan of THE PRINCESS BRIDE would not love your entry? Great job, Roland

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  47. LeahSeptember 24, 2011 at 5:22 PM

    Gonna be honest, I was giddy when I was a Princess Bride quote in your link.

    I was not disappointed!

    There's something incredibly sweet and relatable about this piece. Wonderful.

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  48. LeahSeptember 24, 2011 at 5:23 PM

    And of course, I mean "I was giddy when I saw there was a..."

    I was just so excited that I forgot to edit my post, you see? ;)

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  49. Michael HaynesSeptember 24, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    Hi, Roland and Leah, glad you enjoyed it, particularly the PB reference!

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  50. AnonymousSeptember 25, 2011 at 5:46 AM

    Really sweet ;)

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  51. D.J. KirkbySeptember 25, 2011 at 10:33 AM

    Superb! I like how you fit oscitate in :)

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  52. Bethany LopezSeptember 25, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    Very fun! I just rented Princess Bride for my kids to watch this weekend! I am #92. Thanks

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  53. Michael HaynesSeptember 25, 2011 at 3:24 PM

    Thanks, Christy, D. J. and Bethany for your comments! I'm (slowly) working my way down towards yours, Bethany. Looking forward to reading it!

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  54. UnknownSeptember 25, 2011 at 5:43 PM

    I love the title for sure, and "Daddy, tell us a story." Not mom, but daddy. Great job. I love flash stories. I am #76. Thanks

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  55. CarrieSeptember 25, 2011 at 6:55 PM

    This reminds me of my house...great use of the words. Good job!

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  56. Julie FarrarSeptember 25, 2011 at 9:08 PM

    Of course the title caught me right off the bat (one of my favorite movies). But what sucked me in was how easily you integrated the words into such a real slice of everyday life. Great job. Off to vote now.

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  57. Christine RainsSeptember 25, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    Oh, that was sweet. It's moments like that which remind me I love to tell stories too. And I LOVE your story title. Great job! :)

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  58. Karen WoodwardSeptember 25, 2011 at 11:26 PM

    Voted! Great writing. :)

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  59. Michael HaynesSeptember 26, 2011 at 12:10 AM

    Thanks for the great feedback and the votes! I really wasn't sure how to approach this challenge at first -- it's neat to see that it resonated with so many people.

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  60. UnknownSeptember 26, 2011 at 9:28 AM

    Nice work, you make it look easy!

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  61. Zan MarieSeptember 26, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    Great job!

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  62. E. ArroyoSeptember 26, 2011 at 1:10 PM

    I like this! Great job!

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  63. Sandwiched WriterSeptember 26, 2011 at 4:44 PM

    Sweet moment captured here! One that any writer/parent will resonate with. Kudos!

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  64. Claire HennessySeptember 26, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    Ah, love this. What a sweet and clever use of all the words. Excellent.

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  65. Jessica TherrienSeptember 26, 2011 at 10:49 PM

    What a great post. I had fun reading it and could really picture it all. Perfect title of course...

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  66. Theresa MilsteinSeptember 27, 2011 at 7:48 AM

    I love The Princess Bride. Imago Montoya - so clever! It's not being a writer with children, is it?

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  67. Scott StillwellSeptember 27, 2011 at 9:37 AM

    I loved it! Makes me look forward to having my own rug-rat beta readers :)

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  68. SarahSeptember 27, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    Imago Montoya was brilliant. The rest was pretty awesome too. Easy to relate to. You even managed to work in those crazy words without them seeming obvious. Bravo Michael!

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  69. AnonymousSeptember 27, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    I was wondering when someone was going to use Launa Coil :D I love this little slice of life stories. Nice work.

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  70. Michael HaynesSeptember 27, 2011 at 8:56 PM

    Thanks for the recent comments, everyone! I am glad that you enjoyed the story. I need to get busy catching up with everyone else's!

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  71. Michelle MerrillSeptember 27, 2011 at 11:42 PM

    Great take on the challenge! Totally describes my life when I try to write with my kids awake. It usually ends up with me not writing.

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  72. Deniz BevanSeptember 28, 2011 at 11:35 AM

    Great stuff! Love the ways you found to weave the words in. Wonder what that band sounds like?

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  73. Author A.O. PeartSeptember 28, 2011 at 5:35 PM

    This is such a sweet and creative story. Great use of all required words :-) You got my vote! Good luck.

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  74. AnonymousSeptember 28, 2011 at 6:14 PM

    Brilliant. Love the kids running around misquoting the Princess Bride while trying to write...were you peeking in my window?

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  75. Michael HaynesSeptember 28, 2011 at 8:37 PM

    @Michelle, it can definitely be a challenge!

    @Deniz, I believe they're sort of a hard-rock/metal band, but I'm not certain.

    @Angela, thank you!

    @Raelyn, ummm.... I plead the 5th! :)

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  76. Kurt HartwigSeptember 28, 2011 at 8:46 PM

    Great story. I especially like rejecting "oscitate." Well done!

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  77. Sher A. HartSeptember 28, 2011 at 10:28 PM

    My kind of story. Family friendly, imaginative, clever use of the words, funny, and so believable.
    Ah, memories. All those stories I told, and now writing them. Unbelievable.

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  78. UnknownSeptember 29, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    Lovely story from the writer's point of view!

    -----
    Join me at the Rule of Three Writers' Blogfest!

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  79. Ronald L. SmithSeptember 30, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    Wonderful! Great choices for the required words.

    And also grounded in reality, which is nice.

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  80. BrindaSeptember 30, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    Great job on this and one of my favorite all time lines mimicked in the title!

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  81. TrishaOctober 2, 2011 at 11:39 PM

    I love the Princess Bride reference AND the ref. to Lacuna Coil. Woot!

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  82. Kris A. NewManOctober 3, 2011 at 7:05 AM

    Very fun story! Great use the required words and great word picture.

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  83. PaulaSJwriterOctober 4, 2011 at 12:13 AM

    Number 192 here. Your title drew me in at once -- I scanned the titles and yours is the first I read -- and like everyone else I loved the family scene. Nicely done!

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  84. Michael HaynesOctober 4, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    Thanks for all of the recent comments!

    @Paula, I see you just made it in under the wire! I'm glad that you liked my story.

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  85. Avery MarshOctober 4, 2011 at 4:53 PM

    Great scene and such a creative use of the words. The title made me smile right away and the rest didn't disappoint. Nicely done. :)

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  86. the wild magnoliaOctober 4, 2011 at 9:41 PM

    Real life better than fiction? Believable story. Great ease with words.

    Good job.

    #188

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  87. Karen deBlieckOctober 6, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    This is a wonderful authentic piece. It read very smoothly. Thank you for that.

    #189

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  88. Michael HaynesOctober 7, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    Hello, Avery and Wild magnolia and Karen,

    Thank you for your comments! I plan to stop in and visit more of the other stories this weekend.

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  89. AnonymousOctober 12, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    Very cute! The title grabbed me right away, what a fabulous way to twist a classic line. And I love the way the title segues right into the story. Brilliant!

    jessica aspen # 174

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  90. Michael HaynesOctober 12, 2011 at 11:32 PM

    @jessica, Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!

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